Today is Father's Day in New Zealand, and for some of us, it feels very different this year because it is our first one without our precious dad. I made it through to the evening without crying but a blossom tree's new blooms made me cry. This time last year Dad was telling me how happy he was to see the tree blooming with blossoms.
There was something a little strange today about a day that is supposed to be filled with celebration when the person you would normally be celebrating is no longer here, and while the shops are full of Father's Day cards, gifts and happy messages, there are many of us sadly navigating the ache of the realisation that we cannot pick up the phone and say, "Happy Father's Day, Dad."
This is my first Father's Day without my dad, and I am learning that grief arrives in the smallest moments, like seeing something he would have loved (the blossom tree), remembering a saying he used to use, or suddenly thinking, "I must tell Dad about this," before remembering that I cannot.
For those of us experiencing our first Father's Day without our dads, I hope you will be gentle with yourself today, because there is no right way to feel and to take one moment at a time.
Today we can celebrate them in a different way by telling their stories, looking at photographs, cooking something they loved, listening to their favourite music, visiting a place that reminds us of them, or simply allowing ourselves to remember the beautiful privilege of having been loved by them.
To every person navigating their first Father's Day without their precious dad, I see you, and I hope today brings more love than loneliness, more treasured memories than sadness, and the comfort of knowing that losing someone does not mean losing the love you shared with them.
Some dads leave this world, but they never really leave us, because they continue to live in the stories we tell, the lessons they taught us, the parts of ourselves that came from them, and most importantly, in the love that remains.
Happy Heavenly Father's Day, Dad, I miss you more than words can say, and I will smile at all the blossom trees I see this Spring, especially our one.
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